NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 1

Since college football finally kicked off with something resembling a full slate of games, “It’s Meltdown Time!” is back for its 13th glorious season. Before we get into the goodies here, let’s chat, shall we?

As you probably remember, Brice Paterik was handling the meltdown exclusively for four seasons and decided to retire.

Y’all clearly love this post and college football fans all over the internet do too, especially the fans of the teams that sent the featured folks into meltdown mode. It’s not going anywhere, but I’m not going to promise that there will be one every single week or that it will be long and feature 4-5 fanbases. There are two reasons for this. First, some weeks the available quality is kind of meh. Digging around trying to find a few funny quips from fans of a basic 4-loss team that really ain’t all that mad, and often doesn’t even have a big message board presence to begin with, just to have #content isn’t an exercise that excites any of us, which brings us to the second issue: none of us is willing or able to put that kind of time commitment into this post every week. Folks, this thing is a bear. It takes a lot of mining to find ample worthy content, even within a single game thread.

So, here’s the deal. I’m going to produce a post that is as amusing as possible with the very best content I can find when it is readily available, no more and no less. With all-conference slates in 2020, someone is almost assured to be royally pissed off on a weekly basis. I will capture the greatest hits from those. I also encourage you to participate. Fanbase not featured and you think they should have been? Tell us in the comments and share your hilarious nuggets! I don’t need any samples sent via email or social media, hang onto them and post them below. That way you get a little credit for your mining skills and folks can laugh with you. Members and non-members alike have free access to read your comments.

OK, let’s get to it, shall we?

This week we have two obvious candidates in Oklahoma and LSU. The latter is still somewhat basking in the after sex glow of the fluke that was 2019, but losing to a Mississippi school will never sit well with the Cajuns. As for the former? Hoo boy, losing to Kansas State for a second straight year, by blowing a huge lead, after being promised something called “Speed D” by defensive coordinator Alex Grinch sent them into orbit.

One last thing, can we take a moment to appreciate this photo of Mike Leach riding a Hail State bandwagon on Sunday?

That is spectacular. On to it.

Some of the topics this week include the circus, Donald Trump, midgets, the Sisters of the Poor, many COVID references, opt outs, FUMS (FU Mike Stoops), 2 stars, Arkansas State, the Sun Belt, orange soda, the misgendering of Kansas State QB Skylar Thompson, Jeopardy!, blanket caves, porn bombs, SJW, ill-fitting masks, rolodexes, pumpers, millennials, the Falcons, taunting, cucks, edibles, the red pill, pirates, clowns, Danny Etling, Hell, Christ, asterisks, normalcy, 2020, and racistsexisthomophobes.

As always, the language in this post is utterly appalling. If you are easily offended in any way at all, I strongly suggest that you read no further. Hate mail around this issue will be ignored as you have been sufficiently warned.

For the rest of you, get along with it, enjoy, and post any additional goodies you come across in the comments.

Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

Riley is a pussy

What the hell is goin on around here? When did the circus come to town? I didn’t see any trucks.

Speed D huh? Getting carved up by a piece of shit KSU team. Remember they lost at home to Arkansas State.

It’s about like having Donald Trump on Defense

Speed defense means let them run by you quickly

Ksu is not a good team. Our defense is shit. We can’t even tackle a midget RB. It doesn’t look like we’re even trying on defense today.

Fuck this defense. This is completely unacceptable. 3 tds and it wasn’t even a struggle. But McGowan has to hold onto the ball. You can’t fucking turn it over there.

It’s really hard for OU to win NC’s playing teams like this who do not have the NFL talent to bring OU up, just a bunch of 2 stars playing the game of their life withe come QB who has no arm shredding the OU defense.

I think this Grinch guy might not have his shit together.

We couldn’t stop the Sisters of the Poor.

Grinch is a fucking joke. Letting a COVID addled team who lost to a fucking Sun Belt team go up and down the field on us.

Looks like absolute shit against Arkansas State, but plays the game of their lives against us. Fuck you ksu.

This is a fucking pathetic joke

How much are we paying Grinch for this shit?

LR still can’t call a 3rd quarter offense..and one more season of these dumb fuck FUMS defensive recruits..BOOMER!

I’ll take, ‘What the fuck are you doing for $2000’.....Alex.

Does this mean we’re about as good as Arkansas State?

I’m glad Skyler is a senior. She’s a shitty QB that plays great against OU for some fucked up reason. I’m looking forward to that bitch getting my burger, fries and orange soda next season. Hey bitch! I said a large orange soda with no ice! Got that?

Ya know what? Kudos to KSU. They have heart and desire, and they flat out want this game more. Props to them. Our team should crawl into a fucking blanket cave and whimper. What a cunty display.

A quarter full stadium just praying your team will stop giving up 4th quarter TD after 4th quarter TD to a team that lost to a Sun Belt team....this must be what it feels like to be an okie state fan. Fuck, we suck on defense.

Speed D looks like Shit D...

Cancel the rest of the season after this one.

Can we not catch a fucking break? Fyck you karma gods

Maybe we can pull this win out then claim covid cancellations the rest of the year and finish undefeated

Fuck this team. Fuck this bullshite

Well this is a collapse in progress but at least the program made our SJW statement.

Great leadership.

Lol I can’t fycking do this. Our defense can’t tackle. Had these fuckers down 35-14. We fall on our dicks. Fuck you Alan Grinch

So does OU need to hire Coach Cuntman of KSU?

IMAGINE HAVING A FUCKING SECONDARY I CAN’T NOT ME I’M A FUCKING OKLAHOMA FAN

Good thing KSU is down so many players or this wouldn’t be close.

If Lincoln was so smart we’d be able to put KSU away and he’d be smart enough to buy the right size mask

FUAG?

People need to start looking in their Rolodex for new defensive coordinator. Do people still have Rolodexes?

Any of you fuckers wanna tell me how good Bedenbaugh is again?

.....can we have k states o-line.....their qb stands in the pocket unmolested until his receivers clear

Rattler is running out of the pocket as soon as the ball is snapped. Vaulted Oline is getting owned by KSUs practice squad

Congrats OU. You’re about to lose to a team that got punked at home by Arkansas State. All you pumpers can fuckoff

This team is a bunch of pussies

No fucking heart. No fucking pride. Our staff is just a bunch of pussy ass millennials with zero killer instinct, and that’s why the team can never put anyone away

Lincoln Riley is the god damn Falcons

This shit is beyond parody.

Boye was taunting. I hope he rips his fucking knee. Fuck that walking personal foul mother fucker.

Someone should audit these Ref’s holding calls. They are too timely and convenient for KState.

I’ve finally seen what the rest of fanbases have been saying for years OU is really just not that good. We benefit from being a part of the softest conference in CFB. Total lack of defense lack of coaching etc...time to get back into NFL football, OU is just never going to break through with the philosophy’s we have here since midway through stoops career.

Lincoln will always be a pussy

We have a cuck TTU guy as our leader. It permeates the entire team. This has been evident for some time now.

You boys please ignore any posts I make the next few hours.

Lord, please forgive me in advance for losing my temper, for popping off out the mouth, and the hatred building in my heart.

We’re gonna have opt outs lol I can feel it. Something is wrong with team behind the scenes

I might eat two edibles tonight.

its beautiful! To busy faking unity for cameras and forgot actual football had to be played!!! Bahahahhaha. Ive defended this trash team from what I thought were trolls for years. F that. They just TOOK THE RED PILL LONG AGO! No more blissful ignorance.

Fuck 2020...fuck everything about 2020.

Fuck Covid.

Fuck Grinch.

Fuck Riley deciding to punt.

Fuck 4 turnovers. Fuck the blocked punt. Fuck the turnover on downs.

Fuck Fox for cutting to a different game with 2 minutes left in a 3 point contest

Fuck the OL’s 15 penalties for 150 yards...or more, however fucking many it was.

Fuck the entire defense, giving up 31 points on the final five drives

Fuck making Arkansas State’s bitch Skylar Thompson look like a Heisman. He’s never thrown for 300 yards before. He probably never will again.

Fuck KSU for being shitty, but beating OU’s shit defense.

Fuck you, Fuck me, Fuck everybody include Mike Leach who coined that stupid saying,

Fuck Pirates and Clowns, nobody likes either of you

Fuck Everything about 2020

Photo by Gus Stark/Collegiate Images/ Getty Images

If Stingley is smart, he doesn’t play a snap for this team

8-2 would be stunning at this point. I just cannot possibly see how that happens.

Our offense is shit again.

I never needed Brennan to be Burrow,

but I’d like for him to throw the ball.

Welp

We’re humped

Thank god for 2019

LSU is no longer DBU.

Drop the meme. It’s over.

Myles = Danny Etling

Myles is his middle name

First name Les

Jamar Chase

is a genius

WTF is this defense

Damn. We cannot lose to State. Good Christ.

Orgeron better man up Monday and take immediate action. Pelini needs to be let go and they need to prepare one of the freshmen to play next week.

I am here for the porn bombs now.

Well 2019 was a fun season

I’m melting!!!!!

Still feels good we’re national champs.

We BEAT all your asses last year, so enjoy your wins this year.

LSU will be fine.

This just, I can’t. I cannot. We lost homeboy. Got our asses thoroughly kicked. Don’t act like a bitch. Last year means fuck all now.

I think State has a good shot to win it all this year

They are just a complete football team. With a few breaks like they got today, they could run the table

On Second Thought, It’s clear that that playing CFB during Covid is Irresponsible

Frankly, I’m SHOCKED and DISGUSTED by all of you who elevate something as meaningless and random as CFB above the safety of players, students and fans. Furthermore, you ALL are clearly racistsexisthomophobes. Think of the children. Cancel the season.

We need a covid spike asap

Football is a Hell

LSU was a flash in the pan

Brennan sucks.

Pelini should’ve never came back.

Our defense has more holes than swiss cheese.

Our WRs have butterfingers and can’t fucking see.

Trash all around. I admit it guys. Coach O thought he could pretend some more.

Congrats on the win* Mississippi State

Even though 2020 doesn’t count for anything meaningful, and will be the season of the *asterisk*

As the Valley burns.

LSU is back to not having a quarterback again. Normalcy is restored, I declare the pandemic to now be over.